Obedience over convenience

Oh man, the sermon this morning! Wow. (Holy moly emoji.... If you're reading my book, you know what's up. Winky face emoji.)

I feel like it’s inside me and I cannot get it out. I knew when I was sitting there listening, I needed to write about it. 

Why?

Because obedience is the thing I struggle with most when it comes to God. God has maybe asked me many things in my life but only one sticks out: school.

I know he was asking me to homeschool so much earlier than we started. I know it. And I didn’t listen. 

I had lots of worldly reasons: finances wouldn't balance, I could not be in charge of my children all the time, I would not be able to be enough for them, homeschool would not fulfill me like my job could. 

I believed all these lies and fears.

Until school was taken away from us, I was forced to confront all these fears. 

And while I can say it has worked out so far, the pastor today made me uncomfortable. He asked us the question, ‘what is your delayed obedience costing you?’

Oh man does that make me uncomfortable. 

Because I know EXACTLY what my delayed obedience cost me.

It cost me Brayden.

It cost me the opportunity to homeschool and know my son on a deeper level. And I know this because I am homeschooling the younger two and I know them so much more than I know him. Time is the only thing that can make this possible and I sacrificed this in the name of doubt and human comforts. 

When he needed me, I needed school. While I got here eventually, it was too late for him. 

Could I make him homeschool with me now? Yes, I could. Should I...is another question. So much has happened. He's comfortable too.

It’s not that he isn’t doing okay in school; he has conformed and knows the game. But is he thriving? It depends on who you ask and what measure we are using. 

What I do know is that I want to be sure not to miss the boat again. I do not want to have to learn this lesson one more time. 

Thankfully, Brayden is still here, and I am doing what I can from my vantage point of mom. Taking in the few hours I get with him and making those count. Soaking up the summers and all the small moments to forge a bond

I am asking myself what God is asking me to be obedient to now. I am asking him to open my heart and eyes to His path even if it seems wrong and foolish to me. 

As the Pastor said, “Jesus did not save my life to play it safe.”